If you’re like most people, you feel compelled to say yes to nearly everyone and everything. While this “yes behavior” seems like it would make you feel good about yourself, it actually does quite the opposite. When we feel like we have to say yes to everything, we zap our energy and end up feeling resentment for the people and activities that we said yes to, when we really wanted to say no. A lot of this behavior stems from the fact that the majority of us are major people pleasers and we fear ruffling anyone’s feathers. Here are a few tips for putting yourself first and avoiding the people-pleasing trap.
1. Put that oxygen mask on. In life or death situations, we are advised to tend to ourselves even before we tend to our children. If you listen to the flight attendant’s safety spiel at takeoff, you will learn that the best thing you can do in an emergency situation, is to put your mask on before you put your child’s mask on. If the parent is in distress and in danger the child will be negatively affected emotionally and physically. If that’s not a reason to put yourself first, then what is? In other words, fill your cup before you fill others. Oftentimes, we are stretched thin because we are too busy tending to everyone else, and our self-care gets tossed aside. The problem with this is the simple fact that it’s nearly impossible to fully care for others when you don’t put time into your own needs first. So, next time you feel obligated to take on another responsibility, ask yourself if it will allow you the time for the self-care that you need to be at 100%. And of course, ask yourself if you will enjoy the activity or the responsibility. If no is your first instinct, then say it loud and proud…and go fill up your cup!
2. Avoid other people’s opinions of you. If you’re like most people, you are driven by a little thing we call ‘people pleasing.’ The problem with people pleasing is that you are never going to please everyone, so why not start by pleasing yourself first? Whether it’s the decision to turn down your great-aunt’s blueberry pie or the decision to change careers, it’s time that you stop spending time on what others think about your choices. You will be running around in a chaotic circle, if you are constantly trying to please others.
To be continued in another post...
Ready to make a change in your life? Let's talk CLICK HERE